I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
