i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Someone came in the potted fern
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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