hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
