I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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