not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize