I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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