I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I skipped work to stalk him.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
