I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
