i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
