i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
love makes seman taste better
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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