What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize