some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
