Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
