is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
