Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
