dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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