Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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