For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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