Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
