I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
