In the future we'll all be gay
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
