why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
