There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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