2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
