When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
