Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
