Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
