i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
