Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
