are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
