the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
