He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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