"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You need a sexual gate keeper
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
