Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
