Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
