I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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