Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
