sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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