Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
