I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
