I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
