I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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