bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
