How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my phone needs a breathalizer
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
