There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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