why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
