He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
