I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have aggressive nipples.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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