I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
