is your mom at the bar?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
