Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
