He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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