the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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