I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize