see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize