And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Blood and glitter go together right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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