just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
two words: eviction party
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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