I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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