Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize