he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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