I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he thought i was a dude.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
