The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
