I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
