her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
