it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
