All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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