just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize