Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Please don't give away my fajitas
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
