She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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