Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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