Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize