i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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