Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
