Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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